Its been about ten days since I've had a chance to write! It doesn't seem that long and some important things have happened at least in my heart and attitude since then.
This past weekend David and I attended a conference called “Parenting by Grace”. It is put out by the same people who wrote “Gospel Transformation” and if you read an earlier post of mine you will find out how meaningful this study has been in my life.
The conference was the same. I think the part that really spoke to me, and was the most freeing, was the fact that we are sinful people and sinful parents, unable to parent well unless God's grace is poured out to us. God is showing me over and over(since I am such a nucklehead!) that I cannot do anything of worth or goodness in this life without him. I can try to be a good parent and be kind to my children, and loving and patient, but my sinful nature always seems to take over and I can become a raving lunatic(at least thats what it feels like inside). When I realize this about myself, that I am completely unable…that's when God IS able to be my strength and His grace and mercy is poured out through me to my children. It sounds so simple, and yet the “doing ” is so hard!( and even there His Spirit is at work in my heart) Dying to ourselves is a core part of being a child of God. It has to be a daily thing as a parent, spouse, daughter, gosh..just a person! I've also been understanding my idols more, which enables me to repent and actually understand the “sin beneath the sin”. For example, I've realized that comfort and rest are idols of mine. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing inherently wrong with these things, but when I sin in order to gain or experience them then they are substituting a space, desire, place only meant for God. At night especially is when this particular idol rears its nasty head. After a long day I feel that I am entitled to relax and have no one pulling on me or nagging-I want the children in bed and I want my time!( Do you hear all the “my” talk in there?) I do whatever it takes to get them there sometimes-this may include yelling, manipulating, missing out on quality time etc.. we strive so hard to attain these things, these idols that we think will complete us and make us happy when in reality they end up making us frustrated, bored and longing for more. Our souls were meant for God and even though dying is a painful process our hearts have come home when we finally surrender our wills to Him. The very thing we try to run from, the pain, the death, is the very thing that satisfies us completely and does make us whole. What a wonderful blessed irony! In order to live we die, and only when we die, do we truly live! I am so thankful to be learning these wonderful and hard truths.
I am also preparing to attend our churches annual women's retreat this weekend. I am in charge of the 5 different music/worship sessions that will take place in between the speaker, testimonies etc. The time our little worship team has practiced together has been wonderful to me! We have a worship time all on our own as we prepare for the retreat. I'm so thankful that I have had the privilege of being with these wonderful talented, Godly friends.
Well…lets see, our pond is looking great! David did a fantastic job with it! He basically had to take the whole thing apart and start over. Its smaller now and more manageable. It is also more inviting for the kiddos since it is quite shallow and wider now. There are also little rocks covering the bottom which obviously are screaming to be picked up and thrown constantly. I think I've changed each childs' clothes three times in the past few days because they always end up wet with pond water! As soon as I can figure out how to reduce my pics from my digital I will insert new ones of the pond.
One last item, my girl learned how to blow a bubble with her bubble gum today! She's been trying for weeks and finally did it this morning-aren't children wonderful?! The little things that amaze and excite them! Oh, to be more like that! I took a great picture and will put it here as soon as I can.
talk to you soon!
