A light in the valley

It seems as though my family has been walking through this valley for some time now. I am weary at times, but mostly hopeful, resting and trusting in the promises of my God. Lately, however, my valley has grown darker, dimmer and the burden has been too much to bear. Obviously I have been trying to bear it myself. Trying to reason things out, looking for clues all the time of how God may or may not be working. Using my circumstances to measure God's presence ( I know, crazy)

Having mercy and using it in my own strength is completely exhausting and futile. I take on the world's pain and cares as if they're my own but I am only a small, helpless, scared girl without my Father. When He works in me to have mercy on others it becomes second nature: a breath, a blink of the eye-I am doing what I was created for, and I am at peace and fulfilled in doing so.

A shaft of light burst through the haze today. It was as if my Father reached down and took my face in his hands and raised my weary eyes to himself. This darkness has been oppressive, and I didn't even realize to what extent until I saw Him clear and beautiful and I remembered His amazing love for me!

In Church this morning we were discussing John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
I've been a Christian since I was 11 and have heard, studied and memorized this verse so many times. Today it became alive to me again. It was as if all of these pains and heartaches were suddenly put in their place next to a holy, righteous, loving, huge, powerful, unimaginable God.

We read in Proverbs 8 this morning , verses about wisdom and how this wisdom is really Jesus. Listen to the language of the relationship between Father and Son:

23"From everlasting I was established,
From the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.
24"When there were no depths I was brought forth,
When there were no springs abounding with water.
25"Before the mountains were settled,
Before the hills I was brought forth;
26While He had not yet made the earth and the fields,
Nor the first dust of the world.
27"When He established the heavens, I was there,
When He inscribed a circle on the face of the deep,
28When He made firm the skies above,
When the springs of the deep became fixed,
29When He set for the sea its boundary
So that the water would not transgress His command,
When He marked out the foundations of the earth;
30Then I was beside Him, as a master workman;
And I was daily His delight,
Rejoicing always before Him,
31Rejoicing in the world, His earth,
And having my delight in the sons of men."

To even begin to understand the great love between Father and Son and know the great sacrifice that was made for me , for you. To remember that Jesus, the beloved Son was beaten, nailed to a cross and then the unimaginable...God's wrath was poured out on Him, the Beloved made the enemy. "For God SO loved"! His life in exchange for mine. The righteous for the sinner. I am ashamed of my response to this. I so easily forget this act which in one instant brought me to God himself, never to fear wrath or judgment, condemnation or death ever again. I have been so intent on seeking His hand in my life that I have forgotten how beautiful He is, just Him, not His blessings, provision, gifts....just Him because He is.